para todos uds:
Another week in Mexico....isn´t that so weird? I think it just has gotten normal to be here. There are few times that it really hits me that I haven´t always been a missionary in Mexico, and that this is pretty cool! I´m reminded of the talk of President Uchtdorf in Priesthood Meeting this last Conference when he talks about some pilots that always were so excited to fly even though they did it everyday. I remember how I always looked into some distant future in which I could have a badge on my chest with my family´s and Lord´s name, walking around, preaching the gospel...maybe in another language...knocking doors, and just being a missionary.
How cruel that putting on the badge has become a daily habit like combing my hair(then again, I never did comb my hair much before the mission, did I?). I love moments in my mission when I really realize that what we´re doing isn´t normal....that it isn´t a tedious thing we do every day, but a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I´m living right now. It´s a solemn thought that there are thousands or maybe millions of youth that waiting to do exactly what I´m doing, and millions of returned missionaries who do anything to go back and do what I´m doing right now, and many other people that don´t fall on those lists who join in prayers for the missionaries like me in all the world everyday. I feel horrible when I realize that this has come to be something normal for me. So I am so grateful that the Lord is so merciful to give that Elder Blackham a chance to scope out his surroundings again and realize the magnitude of it.
Such an experience happened on Thursday during the Zone Conference we had. I remember how one of the assistants began to weep, when he told the struggles he was having with his humility. I doubt that it came as a surprise to anyone present that that was something that he needed to work on. Everyone in the mission knows him, they know he´s a good teacher, and they also know that he knows that he´s a good teacher. However, seeing him talk about it, it surprised me that such an Elder with the success he has had in his mission, could allow himself to penetrate his soul and accept that he needed to work on something.
This is something that hit me hard...because I have the same problem that he has...the only thing is that not everyone knows that I have this problem. I think a lot of my companions have come to know, and have tried hit me hard in the head to get it through to me....but it wasn´t until I pondered on everything I heard in that conference that I was able to accept....I´m working on the second step of the repentance process...stop doing it...and it´s hard. It´s so ingrained into who I am, what I´m like, that trying to remove it is like a major surgical operation. I´ve always worried about my image, how people see me...but what a difference the focus makes in the life of somebody. There´s a difference in doing things so that people see you like a good missionary, and when somebody does the same things to become that good missionary. The difference in simply doing and becoming is astonishing. It may not have a great change of outward motions and actions, but what a change of heart!
There are several things I want to change...but it is going to be so hard. However, I cannot overlook it anymore. I´m sorry that I was not able to tell you more about my week, but we can see a parable in this, can´t we? If I cannot change these things, I will not be able to recieve the information that God wants me to recieve for the investigators, for my companion, for the companionships in my district, or whatever....a good shovel doesn´t have to be taken into a shop every day to see why it isn´t digging correctly. To be a good instrument in the hands of the Lord, I have to get these actions and thoughts out of me to be able make use of my efforts in His work.
I love you all...especially my family for there prayers and support. Help me out in this okay? We need some help in this area and with these people. But yeah, I guess I better forget myself and get to work, but not work so that I can look good, but to work to feel good about what I´ve become.